Stuck in neutral...need a tow

I've been a little off kilter this week...and what makes me so mad at myself, is that I allowed myself to be thrown off kilter by another person. Granted, this person is a close relative and that may be the reason for how this affected me. Usually I try not to air any dysfunctional family stuff but thought that writing about it might be cathartic.

I won't go into all the gory details but suffice it to say, that this person voiced an opinion, which I'd already known in the back of my mind, was probably what she thought of me. But it was still hurtful to have those thoughts transformed into solid words. Very hurtful. And granted I understand, in the heat of anger, one tends to lash out and say things to hurt others. I try really hard not to do that...if I'm in an argument I try to stick to the issue at hand and the facts. Trust me, I know I've thrown some zingers out there, but I hope that none of them were ever this low or that I even have it within me to go this low.

This incident has, literally, taken the joy out of this past week for me...and I'm still feeling the effects. And still mad at myself for feeling this way...LOL. Vicious cycle. Those who know me well, know that I'm able to shake things off fairly quickly. Through painful experience, I've learned that you need to let go of the anger and the bitterness, because those two demons only hurt one person: YOU. It doesn't hurt the person or people at whom the anger is directed, because ya know what, they probably don't know and/or don't care and have moved on. So you need to move on. That's my philosophy.

But I'm stuck in neutral gear on this one...at least for now, and I need -- I want -- to move forward and beyond this thing. And I'm not sure how to go about doing this, which only adds to the frustration at myself. Perhaps I need to just let go and allow myself to go through the anger and hurt, so that I can come out at the end, me again. In reality, I will get past this but it will always color my relationship with this relative, which was tenuous, at best, prior to this. Funny thing is, this person opined that I speak before I think...if only she had done that.   

Success

10 years…3,650 days…5,256,000 minutes. This is the length of time that I have been back in the great city of Houston. I’ve learned to truly appreciate this city, its people, and the opportunities here, in these last 10 years. I didn’t always feel this way. There is a piece of my heart and soul that still belongs to Austin, but I am quite happy with my life in Houston. I can’t say that I returned to my life in Houston 10 years ago, because I left when I was 18 and how much of a life can one have at the age of 18? Not much. Like a phoenix, I like to believe I was re-born when I returned.

In the last 10 years, I’ve gone down 3 different career paths – well, one career as a sales rep, in different industries. 3 VERY different industries! Well, 4 if we take into consideration my brief stint of launching a photography career. I quickly learned that I appreciated photography much more as a hobby, than as a business. Unfortunately, not quickly enough NOT to have invested money, time, sweat, and tears. But that’s what life is all about, is it not? You are always learning, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes/experiences and picking yourself back up to be re-born.

Most importantly to me, in the past 10 years, I’ve developed or cemented relationships with my sister, cousins, other family members; seen my nephew grow from a little boy to a young man; witnessed the birth of my niece and have been able to be a part of her growing up; met numerous, numerous people, many of whom have become great friends; have been there for the births of my friends’ children, who are all like surrogate children to me; loved and lost someone, who later returned to my life, but too late; stuck by someone, who was completely wrong for me, out of my sense of loyalty, which was a mistake(!); traveled; experienced new things, places, people. My list could go on but out of everything, there are two that are most important and paramount  for me: developing and nurturing relationships I’ve built, whether they be personal, career, or both; embracing new experiences and learning from them, if I can, or simply just for the sheer enjoyment of experiencing something new.

It’s taken me some time (most of my 41 years!...lol) to discover who I am and what I’m good at – believe me, the journey is still an ongoing one! I grew up with this idea that you needed to be good at math, or science, or English, any subject in school, so that you could parlay that into a career. But you know what I’ve realized and what Ebenezer Scrooge learned to be after his journey with the spirits? That I am good at the business of humanity. I thoroughly enjoy meeting new people and finding out about them and I enjoy connecting people who may benefit from the connection, whether it be personal or business. I value and cherish the relationships I have with my friends, many of which have spanned for decades. I consider this my success…others may disagree with me and think I am not a success because I don’t live in the biggest house, or drive the fanciest car, or have tons of money in the bank.

When I die, can I take my big house or fancy car with me? Can I take my money with me? NO. I want to be able to look down from Heaven (yes, St. Peter has already told me I’d get in…LOL) and see my family and friends, all together, having a great old time, celebrating my life, telling stories, and laughing about the times we all had together.

That, friends, is what I consider success...a life well-lived and a legacy of good acts which will be remembered.

Coffee, anyone?

I think I have this dating thing down to a science now...LOL. Or at least my friend, Rosemary, thinks so. :-)
A first-time meeting is for coffee or drinks...ONLY! Cause if we don't like each other or the chemistry isn't there (mostly if I don't like the guy...lol), no need to prolong the agony by waiting for a meal to end. And no need to ruin a good meal either!

A week ago today, I had a coffee date. He'd made several attempts and pleas to meet for dinner, thinking that saying things like "you're too cute to eat alone" would change my mind. Not happening, buddy! Little did he know just how stubborn and persistent I can be. :-) He left the meeting spot up to me...decided on Panera in Pearland, which was a halfway point for us. And it was a nice public place. Need to add this little note: I wasn't overly impressed by this guy's profile on match.com, but I'd decided that I needed to be more open-minded (to a certain extent!) and at least meet in person. Some people may not present themselves well in writing. So we met for coffee...

And I was not incorrect in my initial assessment from the online profile!!! I wasn't physically attracted to him and things went south from there. I have this obsession (OK, so maybe obsession is too strong of a word...fixation, perhaps??) with teeth. I don't have perfect teeth, nor am I looking for perfect teeth. I do, however, want to see that you've been taking care of your teeth...you know, stuff like, brushing, cleaning, regular dental visits. This guy's teeth were...how shall I put this....JACKED UP! No wonder he needed the big-ass mustache. He was definitely not my speed -- I'm at 90 mph, and he was in the school zone. (My friend, Kristen, usually likes to ask, can he keep up with you? When I'm describing a new person I've encountered...she knows me well. LOL) He was quite content in his homebody world and described himself as "too lazy" to go anywhere. Really??? That's supposed to impress me?? Guess he overlooked the part in my profile that states I love to try new things, whether it's a new place to eat/see or a new activity. I have lazy days, but that is not the norm for me.

I consider myself to have a strong work ethic...I work hard whether it benefits me solely or my team, or the company. It's just the right thing to do. Asked this guy about his work and he proceeds to tell me how he & his co-workers don't really like it when they are called upon to help each other. If another person goes to do work on one of his accounts, that person does a half-assed job...and he'd do the same with someone else's client. Wow. I forget that there are people out there who do the minimum, no more, no less.

And for the finale, I asked if he had any children, because he'd been married previously. His answer? Not really. ?????  I was confused at first and thought perhaps, he'd not heard my question correctly. So, I asked again, do you have any children? The answer again was, "Not really." The explanation? He has one child, a son, with whom he isn't close, nor does he know where his son is. What????  He outright said, well, he doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. Again, wow. This all stemmed from a prolonged and ugly custody battle when his son was a young child. He only knew that his son was over 18, because the child support had stopped being deducted from his paycheck. I don't care how ugly or nasty your divorce is, your child or children should never be the victims and should never have to wonder if their parents love them. This spoke volumes to me about his character and I was ready to RUN out of there.

Needless to say, it wasn't too long after that bit of conversation, when I ended the "interview." Said I was ready to go, shook hands, and said see ya.

And that, my friends, is why I insist on coffee or drinks first.

Vegas, baby!

I haven't fallen off the blog wagon again...lol! Just returned from vacation! In Vegas. :-) It was my 40th birthday gift to myself. I know you're thinking, didn't she say her 40th was last October? It was...I'm celebrating ALL year, remember? Hee, hee...

Originally, I wanted to go to Greece, but it was such an expensive trip that I couldn't ask my friends to make that kind of investment. So we decided on Vegas a few months ago and boy, am I glad we did!! (Not to mention all the instability and volatility in Greece recently.) When Vegas became the designated destination, I set out to make it a trip like I wanted to have the FIRST time I went to Vegas a few years ago. Two of my friends were also Vegas virgins, so I wanted them to have an awesome time for their first time..unlike me. :) I wanted shows and fine dining...and I think we succeeded in that goal!

Traveling with friends is a gamble at times....you could be the best of friends, but may not travel well together. You know what I'm talking about! LOL So it was me and 5 of my good friends, plus my sister and her friends. I only saw the sister and her friends at a few outings, which we were quite OK with.

Turns out my friends and I do travel well together....or at least, I thought so! We had a GREAT time, dining our way through Vegas, and catching as many shows as possible. Cirque du Soleil's KA...the Blue Man Group...Jubilee!...dining at TAO, Wolfgang Puck's, Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill, Emeril's New Orleans Fish House, Pink's...man, do I have to the hit the gym religiously now! I'm glad that I indulged and enjoyed myself. Life is too short! And I'm so glad that my friends & I now have these memories together!

Our next destination together?? NYC

Practice Keeps Perfect

Even though she’d requested that her grandfather take the training wheels off her bicycle, my niece was extremely frustrated when she started riding and couldn’t quite get the hang of it yet. She even went as far as to say she wanted the training wheels put back on. To which I replied, that she should keep trying and keep working at it. “Practice makes perfect” I reminded her.

A week or so later, she surprised me with the news that she could ride on her bicycle! (And her mom getting her a new bike was a good incentive too). I told her how proud I was of her that she didn’t give up and kept trying. To which she replied, “Practice keeps perfect, right, Bac Hong?” (Bac Hong is how my niece addresses me – Bac is “Aunt” and Hong is the name that my family calls me.)

Now, as an adult, we’d quickly try to correct a child and say, no, honey it’s “Practice makes perfect.” But you know what? I believe that kid is onto something! By the way, I did correct my niece, to which she responded no, it’s “Practice KEEPS perfect.” Hard-headed…hmmm…wonder where she got that from?

Think about it, practice may make perfect, but if we don’t continue to practice, it won’t “keep” perfect. That’s true for just about anything. In the office, if you don’t use an application often, you don’t easily remember how to use every function. If you don’t work out for a year, after losing weight, you’ll gain the weight back. An athlete may have made it to the pros, but he/she still needs to practice to keep their place. Our hearts are also muscles that we need to work out....to keep perfect. Loving, even though we may be hurt; showing generosity of spirit to another, even though that generosity may not be appreciated or returned – these are ways of keeping our hearts perfect.

So remember, whatever you do, practice keeps perfect!  

So how many more frogs do I need to kiss??

Last Fall, I made a conscious decision to "get back on the horse," so to speak. After being significant other-less, for 4 years, I thought it was time to see what was out there. I still wasn't so sure about being in a relationship, but certainly wanted to meet people and going out on a date here and there wouldn't be so bad, right???

The question was where and how do I meet guys? I was never one to meet guys in bars (even in my younger days); couldn't meet them at work, cause I work in a small office with all women. And I don't like dating in the workplace, anyway. Through my friends?? 99% of my friends are married and their friends are married, so that wasn't gonna work. Plus, my last relationship was someone I met through friends and I certainly didn't want to go that route again. He was so wrong for me, but I stuck it out cause I didn't want to be the bad guy and it would've been complicated to see my friends, who were also his friends. The 21st century solution? Online. (Shudder...)

I'd tried eHarmony a few years ago and it'd been an epic fail -- subscribed for a year and went out on one date, which was an epic fail itself! LOL At the time, I'd thought that date was the worst ever in my history of first dates...well, I stand corrected, which is a story for another post.

Meeting people online is a commitment of your time, money, and emotions. It's risky and so far, I haven't reaped any rewards for this risk. Aside from great stories to share with friends! But I'm a "glass half-full" kind of gal and I will try to find the humor in a situation. So I boldly went where so many others have already gone before...to find the prince among all the frogs...out in cyberspace.

So...I've been a little remiss about this blogging thing....

In my defense, my job gets super crazy busy from end of February to mid June....but I do think of posts often and jot down ideas/concepts when they come to me. :)

I had breakfast with two of my gal pals yesterday at Lola (in the Heights, which is a cute great place for breakfast, btw) and I regaled them with my frontline war stories of dating. Both said you really need to write this all down or blog about it...we'd follow you. LOL  Other friends have said the same. I really hadn't intended for this blog to be about my dating "adventures" at 40, but after thinking about it, I will share my war stories, because they are too damn funny not to share. Don't worry, this blog won't be completely about dating...

I'm still working on fun & fabulous...it's a work in progress, which I've realized will extend beyond my 40th year! :)